I feel like I have a lot of time to think these days. Lots of down time and quiet time. I think back to when I got my diagnosis and how weird it was and how unreal it all felt. I still dont feel that this is all real. Bill tells me on a daily basis how im not taking this seriously enough-I say he is taking it seriously enough for the both of us and more!!! But back to my thoughts...I havent yet really reached the point of why. Why is this happening to me. Im not there yet. I havent been that low or down that far to feel that this is something so unfair. To be honest, I have really only seen the good. I will admit that I had a few "bad" days, but even then, I was shown so much love that I was able to get through them. I have never in my life seen this side of charity-it has been never ending. From the second I went to the doctor to now-its still there. I am constantly gettting asked "what can I do to help?" And it has mostly been from people that I dont even know. We had only been in our last ward for about 5 months and we didnt really know anyone-but they all pulled together and brought in meals and helped us move and held a ward fast and offered anything and everything. We are now in my parents ward and have been shown the same. I feel so amazingly blessed. I cant even begin to say what my friends have done. I have loved all the kind words of love and support and i feel so undeserving of it all. To be honest-its all a bit embaressing-ive never been one to love the spotlight.
So back to my thoughts...again. (sorry, I tend to wander) So, I havent been thinking about why me-poor me, but rather why?? Why was I given this trial. We are given trials to learn from and to make us stronger-so What am I supposed to be learing from this? I know for sure that this was meant to happen-that it was me who was supposed to bear this, but why? I look back at the last 10 years and realize that the things that have happened over the years have all happend to make me a stronger person, to help me in this trial. I know that I was blessed with 5 kids so close together for a reason-because im not sure that I will be able to have more kids after all this is over. I know that I was told that it was time to have a baby-even though I wasnt ready, and when I didnt listen, He took matters into His own hands and gave me one anyway. Its awesome to look back and see why things happend the way they did because I never did understand why in the moment. So as I try to look ahead to the future, im asking myself what can I do to make this trial something that will make me grow stronger. I know that when I have read a story about someone going through the same thing, it inspires me. It gives me strengh to know that I can beat this. Could I inspire someone else? I have never really thought about that before. Maybe I could inspire one person-just one, to get a mammogram or go to the doctor over something they arent quite sure about-because if it could happen to me-when I have ALL the odds in my favor-then it could happen to anyone. I know some people and they know people and so on and so on-and I know that I have quite a few people reading this blog and sharing information to others and maybe its now my responsibility to share what I know and share my story. Maybe. What ever the reason, I know that only good will come of this. Its going to be such a long road and its a bit overwhelming to think of, but I know that in the end, something good will come of this-it already has.
So on that note, I have something to share.
Dr. Susan Love told Robin Roberts yesterday on Good Morning America that she’s trying to recruit 1,000,000 women for the Army of Women, a group of women who on a volunteer basis will be part of research efforts aimed at determining what causes breast cancer. All women are invited to participate. Just sign up here. When you do, you’ll get an e-mail about opportunities for being involved.
Love reports that about 200,000 women have signed up so far. She’s got a long way to go to hit that one-million mark. Just like we have a way to go to find that elusive cause of breast cancer. Help if you can.
Back to School...Back to School
6 years ago