Monday, August 31, 2009

Finished, the next step and whatnot

It feels great to be done!! I love not having to go to a doctors office everyday. I realized, however, that I now have a hate for doctors offices. I dont want to go and it seems that I have to psych myself up for it. I just dont want to go and thats that. But, I have no choice, so I do it anyway-which brings me to my latest appointment with my oncologist.

I especially hate this office the most. I know its all a mind over matter thing but boy my mind is strong. There is just a certain smell in that office and I just cant take it. It was so bad this time that I literally almost threw up-I was swallowing back big time. I just had to breathe out of my mouth. Luckily, my appointment went pretty fast and I was in and out in about 20 minutes. I love my oncologist. He wastes no time in telling it like it is and he always leaves me with a little lecture on diet and exercise. (I know, I know-thats a whole other post) Anyway, things look good. My skin is healing nicely and it has turned into a nice perfect rectangle tan. Its peeling and drying out and it just looks awesome. (im being a bit sarcastic)but it is healing and the sooner it heals the faster I can move on. My heart scan was normal and im all set up to start my Herceptin. I will do it every 3 weeks for the next year. If I stop and think about that I will go crazy. An entire year. That is so long and way too overwhelming. But the good thing is that it doesnt make me sick and there shouldnt be any side effects. Im very happy about that. So my first appointment is Sept 11th and I should be able to do it along with reconstruction with no problems. Now I just need to find myself a plastic surgeon and get the ball rolling. I have a little anxiety about the whole thing because I have heard that it hurts and its a very long process, but I am excited to feel like a woman again.

So thats where I am right now. I feel good and I actually feel normal and energetic.
Its a good feeling.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I can see the light!!

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY of my radiation. I cannot believe it is here already-it really has gone by fast. I am so excited to not have to get up at 6 every morning just to drive through traffic and lay on a table topless for 10 minutes and then drive all the way home. Oh happy day!!!

I really have been lucky as far as side effects go. I have been ridiculously tired and drained to the point of non function, but I consider myself lucky to only be tired. My burn isnt as bad as it could have been-but, a burn is a burn and it HURTS!! This week and some of last week, I started a radiation boost. What that is is a pretty heavy dose on a specific area. The doctor wanted to focus on my scar area because thats the #1 place the cancer likes to come back. It has been brutal. I have only had to deal with really, really bad sunburn like pain, but since the boost, it has tripled the pain and discomfort and it has caused blisters and scabs and all that good stuff.

This is a pretty crappy picture since I took it myself and I was trying to be discret and not show too much, but this is the jist of what my skin looks like in that area. Those marks were drawn every day to help the techs keep the lazers from overlapping into the same areas. I will be so happy to not have to be drawn on with a sharpie day after day.

So, now what?
To be honest, I really dont know. I still havent started the herceptin treatments yet and I still havent met with a plastic surgeon. So im kinda in limbo until I meet with my oncologist and get the ok to move on to the next step. Im sure I will have to have some scans and blood tests to see where things are and im sure there will be a lot of time in between each step. I have heard that I may not be able to have surgery while on herceptin, but im not sure thats true. Thats just something else I will have to ask my Dr. at my next appointment. I know that I dont want to wait a year to start reconstruction, im ready NOW!!! Im so tired of feeling like a boy and feeling not very cute. But cancer is not very cute and Im ready to be done. I dont want to be tired anymore, I dont want to be cranky because I am tired and I just want to be happy.

Here is something that I AM happy about...

Is that hair I see?? Oh yes, and it has come back in full force. Its not long enough yet to make a cute pixie style, but its getting there. Its also growing everywhere else. My arms, my face, my legs. Its great! Its a bit aggresive in some areas, like my face and eyebrows. I really think I have a beard-but thank goodness its blonde. This is all new to me, Ive never been very hairy, but I welcome it.
So thats where I am at this point. Just waiting for the next stage to begin. I am very lucky to have my 5 crazy kids to keep me busy and in the moment. I dont have a lot of time to sit around and think or to feel sorry for myself. In retrospect, I feel very blessed to have been given this trial during this phase of my life. If I was younger, it would have affected my ability to have more kids and if I was older, It would have been harder to handle chemo and raditation and my kids wouldnt have needed me as much as they do now. I think my attitude may have been different as well.
Anyway, I am so excited for tomorrow and you can bet that I am going to celebrate!!!
I just want to thank everyone for their continued words of support and love and especially the prayers on my behalf. I feel blessed everyday and I know its becasue of prayer. So, THANK YOU!!!