Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I can see the light!!

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY of my radiation. I cannot believe it is here already-it really has gone by fast. I am so excited to not have to get up at 6 every morning just to drive through traffic and lay on a table topless for 10 minutes and then drive all the way home. Oh happy day!!!

I really have been lucky as far as side effects go. I have been ridiculously tired and drained to the point of non function, but I consider myself lucky to only be tired. My burn isnt as bad as it could have been-but, a burn is a burn and it HURTS!! This week and some of last week, I started a radiation boost. What that is is a pretty heavy dose on a specific area. The doctor wanted to focus on my scar area because thats the #1 place the cancer likes to come back. It has been brutal. I have only had to deal with really, really bad sunburn like pain, but since the boost, it has tripled the pain and discomfort and it has caused blisters and scabs and all that good stuff.

This is a pretty crappy picture since I took it myself and I was trying to be discret and not show too much, but this is the jist of what my skin looks like in that area. Those marks were drawn every day to help the techs keep the lazers from overlapping into the same areas. I will be so happy to not have to be drawn on with a sharpie day after day.

So, now what?
To be honest, I really dont know. I still havent started the herceptin treatments yet and I still havent met with a plastic surgeon. So im kinda in limbo until I meet with my oncologist and get the ok to move on to the next step. Im sure I will have to have some scans and blood tests to see where things are and im sure there will be a lot of time in between each step. I have heard that I may not be able to have surgery while on herceptin, but im not sure thats true. Thats just something else I will have to ask my Dr. at my next appointment. I know that I dont want to wait a year to start reconstruction, im ready NOW!!! Im so tired of feeling like a boy and feeling not very cute. But cancer is not very cute and Im ready to be done. I dont want to be tired anymore, I dont want to be cranky because I am tired and I just want to be happy.

Here is something that I AM happy about...

Is that hair I see?? Oh yes, and it has come back in full force. Its not long enough yet to make a cute pixie style, but its getting there. Its also growing everywhere else. My arms, my face, my legs. Its great! Its a bit aggresive in some areas, like my face and eyebrows. I really think I have a beard-but thank goodness its blonde. This is all new to me, Ive never been very hairy, but I welcome it.
So thats where I am at this point. Just waiting for the next stage to begin. I am very lucky to have my 5 crazy kids to keep me busy and in the moment. I dont have a lot of time to sit around and think or to feel sorry for myself. In retrospect, I feel very blessed to have been given this trial during this phase of my life. If I was younger, it would have affected my ability to have more kids and if I was older, It would have been harder to handle chemo and raditation and my kids wouldnt have needed me as much as they do now. I think my attitude may have been different as well.
Anyway, I am so excited for tomorrow and you can bet that I am going to celebrate!!!
I just want to thank everyone for their continued words of support and love and especially the prayers on my behalf. I feel blessed everyday and I know its becasue of prayer. So, THANK YOU!!!


Breeda said...

This is beautiful to read and your insight on you being happy that it happened at this time in your life is touching.

Hooray for tomorrow!

Matt Flake said...

Shelly I've been following your blog and ask everyone about you. I haven't left comments because I feel like I can't write what I want too. You are very courageous. I'm always thinking and praying for you and your sweet family. I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about you. You are a dear friend. Love you lots.


Lomu's said...

I seriously love your blog-but it makes me miss your guts!!! so glad to hear your finished! scott and I were just talking about you this morning. He mentioned you guys might come up for Labor Day, but I didn't want to get my hopes up, cause i know how our hubbys are:) But I'm afraid they're already up! Hey I only follow 2 blogs-yours and this other guys that I don't even know. But you need to check his out. I thought of you when i read it today. It is so inspirational and uplifiting, and i think you'll really like it. Its Anyway-i miss you guys a ton!
Love you-Andrea

Lisa said...

I hope your last radiation went well. I'm glad it's over for you! Good luck with everything!! I enjoy reading your blogs and your positive attitude. You are in our prayers.

Charisse said...

Wow, I'm so impressed with you and your attitude towards this cancer stuff. I'm glad to see your hair is already coming back. You are seriously amazing.

Mower Power said...

I saw you at the pool over the summer, end of July, and just wanted to tell you that you ARE still beautiful!!! Never forget it! (didn't want to intrude on the fun you looked like you were having with your kiddos!)

Tawna (Harmon) Mower

RPH said...

Great news...glad you are on the down hill slide. And I love all that hair!
Good luck to you. I think about you all the time and hope for the best.


Amy Holden said...

Hey Shelly! Just wanted to say that I am so HAPPY to hear radiation is over!!!!! We have been following this lovely blog every step of the way and it has been amazing! I am so proud to have you as a friend! You are over the hard stuff! Take care and we will continue have you in our thoughts and prayers! Love ya, Joe and Amy