Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It feels so good to be out of bed!!! This round wasnt as bad as the last round but it was just as rough. The patch helped with the nausea just enough that I wasnt puking every time I drank or ate anything. I actually only threw up 1 time-Hooray!!! But I was still pretty nausous and this time the drugs hit me a little differently than usual. I felt, for about 3 days, that I was in a dream world. I was super loopy and dizzy and totally disoriented. And the exaustion feeling...holy cow, it was a struggle just to roll from one side to the other. I also had some pretty bad bone aches from the lovely shot I get the day after chemo. Maybe I just havent really payed attention to all these before I was soooo sick, but the combo of all these didnt make for a nice week. But on the bright side...I didnt have to go to the hospital this time. Thats always a good thing!!!
This time around was the hardest mentally on me so far. I was so discouraged because all I wanted to do was get up and be normal. I was so sick of being sick. I didnt want to be in my bed anymore and I wanted to be up taking care of my kids. It gets stressful having to rely on everyone else to do the things you usually do. This time I spent alot of time worrying if the kids were ok, if the house was clean, if the kids were behaving, if rules were being followed, if the kids were eating what they were supposed to, if Bill was stressed, if chores were being done, if the kids were bored out of their minds (it was spring break), if they were being too loud in the house...blah blah blah. I just kept worrying about everylittle thing because i couldnt do anything about it. I would try and get up and then almost faint. It was really frustrating. I guess now I can see how easy it is to get discouraged and down. I just want to feel good, to feel normal again. I still have sooo long to go and thats hard for me to think about. I dont want to do this again, but I still have 3 more to go. Alrighty, no more of this boo hoo talk. I know that its something I need to do so I will. Thats just how it is, and before I know it, I will be done.
Ive got a lot to catch up on so im off. Have a great day!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

3rd times a charm!!

I cannot believe how time flies!!! It is already time for chemo #3. I have been dreading this day since the day I felt better after #2. Thats probably why it went by so dang fast. The doctor gave me a nausea patch to try this time to see if we can nip it before it starts. I put it on today so that it can have time to get in my system. If this doesnt work, then im just destined to be sick. I have prepared myself this time with netflix movies, a clean room, clean sheets, all the laundry done and hung up and the house and bathrooms cleaned. Its like I know when im going to have a baby and im nesting-or something like that. This round has brought so much anxiety with it. Just the thought of going into that office makes me sick and gives me a headache. BUT, this is round 3 and im half way there!!!! Im half way...only 3 more to go. I can do it, I can do it!!! Its kind of bad timing this time being spring break and all, but luckily my kids are pretty much happy just hangin out. Its hot this week, I think its supposed to be in the 90's, so we will just break out the slip n slide and let them enjoy the nice weather while it lasts.
So I didnt get any pictures downloaded, and now im going to be out of comission for the next few days. Im such a slacker. For some reason I have just been sooo not in the mood to do that. I have been tired and just kind of out of it, and if I had any freetime then i usually spent it reading or resting. So if I am not nausous this time, then I promise I will get those pictures up. I promise!! Have a great week everyone!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Silver Lining!!

So since it has been about 2 months since I had the BRAC test (the genetic test) done and I still hadnt heard anything, I decided to just call the place and ask if it was back yet. Turns out it had been back since the end of january. Nice. But it turns out that it is NOT genetic. Hip Hip Hooray!! I was so worried because that meant that my girls would have a huge chance of getting Breast Cancer when they got older. Now I know that it was just a crazy thing for me to get it and hopefully no one else in my family will have to deal with this junk.
Sorry about the lack of posting, but its just been hard to get with the program this last week. Now my sister is in town and we are going to hang out for the couple days that she is here-so maybe this weekend I will get those pictures up and running. Have a great day!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The clouds have parted!!!

It feels so good to be amongst the living once again! Oh my goodness, not a good week. This round of chemo was not a nice friend to me. I think I finally understand why so many people would rather die than do this crap over and over-not that i would rather die, I just understand. I told myself at the begining of all this that no matter how bad I felt I would stay positive and I would always be positive. Sooo much easier said than done. This round was probably 100x's worse than the last. Im guessing its because I already had the poision in my body and this just added to it. Last time i wasnt sick-really sick-until the Friday after, this time, I was sick the day I got it. I have never thrown up so much in my life. I couldnt drink or eat a thing. If I even moved an inch I would throw up-and its the worse kind. Its the nothing in your stomach, not even acid, kind. I was even more nasuous because my stomach was completly empty and I was getting dehydrated. By Sunday I was back in the hospital for some IV fluids and some nausea medicine. The nausea medicine they gave me left me feeling worse than when I got there. Now I was 10x's more nauseous and water logged. Its a sucky combo. One of the drugs they gave me made me so loopy and tired that I could barely walk out of the hospital, but it was like 11pm so I came home and went to bed. The next day, I finally felt better. I was still nausous, but it was managable. I was able to eat some soup and hold down some water. Today is better but im still really tired and nausous. I know that every day will get better and I just have to endure it because its doing what its intended to do and because im sick, I know its working, but its hard and im not good with hard. Just the thought of going back to that place makes me so sick and I get to the point where I think I cant do it anymore, but then I calm down and get it out of my mind then I feel better. If I let myself think too much about it I start to panic big time. I start to think that I have 4 more and its going to get worse and worse each time and the nausea medicine doesnt work (ive tried 3 different kinds)and then im gonna end up back in the hospital each time because I cant hold anything down and blah blah blah. Its all too much for me to handle. Thats why I have to keep myself positive and calm or it gets way out of control. Im going to do so much research on other natural ways to combat the nausea because I cannot do that again. The doctors office gave me a patch for this next time to try, but I have no hope of any medicine working. The ones that I have tried were supposedly the best, but it did nothing. ANYWHO, I feel better today and thats all that matters!!!

I had the funnest "shower" last week and I have tons and tons of pictures. I also have tons of shaving pictures as well, but im still a little out of it so those will have to wait until later when im feeling better. Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words of support and love. They are so appreciated right now and they help to lift my spirits. Thank you and I love you all so much!!

To leave on a positive note, when I had my check up before my chemo last week, the doctor felt the lumps and said that they have shrunk!! I havent had any scans, but just by touch he could tell they were shrinking. YEA!!!