Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It feels so good to be out of bed!!! This round wasnt as bad as the last round but it was just as rough. The patch helped with the nausea just enough that I wasnt puking every time I drank or ate anything. I actually only threw up 1 time-Hooray!!! But I was still pretty nausous and this time the drugs hit me a little differently than usual. I felt, for about 3 days, that I was in a dream world. I was super loopy and dizzy and totally disoriented. And the exaustion feeling...holy cow, it was a struggle just to roll from one side to the other. I also had some pretty bad bone aches from the lovely shot I get the day after chemo. Maybe I just havent really payed attention to all these before I was soooo sick, but the combo of all these didnt make for a nice week. But on the bright side...I didnt have to go to the hospital this time. Thats always a good thing!!!
This time around was the hardest mentally on me so far. I was so discouraged because all I wanted to do was get up and be normal. I was so sick of being sick. I didnt want to be in my bed anymore and I wanted to be up taking care of my kids. It gets stressful having to rely on everyone else to do the things you usually do. This time I spent alot of time worrying if the kids were ok, if the house was clean, if the kids were behaving, if rules were being followed, if the kids were eating what they were supposed to, if Bill was stressed, if chores were being done, if the kids were bored out of their minds (it was spring break), if they were being too loud in the house...blah blah blah. I just kept worrying about everylittle thing because i couldnt do anything about it. I would try and get up and then almost faint. It was really frustrating. I guess now I can see how easy it is to get discouraged and down. I just want to feel good, to feel normal again. I still have sooo long to go and thats hard for me to think about. I dont want to do this again, but I still have 3 more to go. Alrighty, no more of this boo hoo talk. I know that its something I need to do so I will. Thats just how it is, and before I know it, I will be done.
Ive got a lot to catch up on so im off. Have a great day!!

8 comments:

Mike and Deb said...

Hang in there Shell, it's gotta be hard going through this and not even being in your own home. That adds extra worries but hang in there. Just remember, Mom and Dad knew what they were doing when they brought you to live there - they LVOE their grandkids and so there is really nothing to worry about!!

We love you and pray for you every day! (Twice:-))

A. Goodie said...

You are still completely amazing! I know it's got to be so hard, but just remember that people WANT to help you, so don't feel bad relying on others right now to help you out. You'd do the same for anyone else! I wish so much that I lived closer so I could help! When you are feeling better and now that the baby is a few weeks, we need you guys to come over for a BBQ! Let me know when you are up for it!
Love you tons!

Heidi M. said...

Shelly, you never have to apologize for complaining or feeling bad. Right now you are entitled to it! I'm so glad you're on the up side. Hope we see you next week at book club!

Lana and Terry said...

Shelly: I can't even imagine what misery you must be going through with these treatments, but we know they are going to help!! Just know that all of us old 45th warders are thinking and praying for you daily. You are a trooper, so just remember how many people love you and are praying for you:)

Birchall Family said...

Shelly you are just so amazing! I am glad that the patch worked this time, but so sorry you got to exhausted. You are in our prayers, hang in there!!
I am sure the last thing you want is visitors, but I am coming to AZ and would love to help in anyway, or just come and say hi. I know my sis Mel would love to see you too. We will be there the week of the
5th. Let me know if I can help in ANY way!!

Annie Valentine said...

I don't always comment, but I'm always here. You are rocking this chemo stuff, glad the patch brought some relief.

Tons of love and prayers for Shelly on fast Sunday.

Jod Jas Curtis said...

Seriously, you are AMAZING!! Look at all you have accomplished, not to mention 5 beautiful kids & an Awesome family :) - you will fight this crazy crap...
I thought about you while I was there. Hopefully next time I get down, we can all go out & PLAY
thinking of you
Loves

Abby Runyan said...

Just wanted to let you know how amazing I think you are. Hang in there and keep the faith. You and your family are in my prayers daily.