Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The clouds have parted!!!

It feels so good to be amongst the living once again! Oh my goodness, not a good week. This round of chemo was not a nice friend to me. I think I finally understand why so many people would rather die than do this crap over and over-not that i would rather die, I just understand. I told myself at the begining of all this that no matter how bad I felt I would stay positive and I would always be positive. Sooo much easier said than done. This round was probably 100x's worse than the last. Im guessing its because I already had the poision in my body and this just added to it. Last time i wasnt sick-really sick-until the Friday after, this time, I was sick the day I got it. I have never thrown up so much in my life. I couldnt drink or eat a thing. If I even moved an inch I would throw up-and its the worse kind. Its the nothing in your stomach, not even acid, kind. I was even more nasuous because my stomach was completly empty and I was getting dehydrated. By Sunday I was back in the hospital for some IV fluids and some nausea medicine. The nausea medicine they gave me left me feeling worse than when I got there. Now I was 10x's more nauseous and water logged. Its a sucky combo. One of the drugs they gave me made me so loopy and tired that I could barely walk out of the hospital, but it was like 11pm so I came home and went to bed. The next day, I finally felt better. I was still nausous, but it was managable. I was able to eat some soup and hold down some water. Today is better but im still really tired and nausous. I know that every day will get better and I just have to endure it because its doing what its intended to do and because im sick, I know its working, but its hard and im not good with hard. Just the thought of going back to that place makes me so sick and I get to the point where I think I cant do it anymore, but then I calm down and get it out of my mind then I feel better. If I let myself think too much about it I start to panic big time. I start to think that I have 4 more and its going to get worse and worse each time and the nausea medicine doesnt work (ive tried 3 different kinds)and then im gonna end up back in the hospital each time because I cant hold anything down and blah blah blah. Its all too much for me to handle. Thats why I have to keep myself positive and calm or it gets way out of control. Im going to do so much research on other natural ways to combat the nausea because I cannot do that again. The doctors office gave me a patch for this next time to try, but I have no hope of any medicine working. The ones that I have tried were supposedly the best, but it did nothing. ANYWHO, I feel better today and thats all that matters!!!

I had the funnest "shower" last week and I have tons and tons of pictures. I also have tons of shaving pictures as well, but im still a little out of it so those will have to wait until later when im feeling better. Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words of support and love. They are so appreciated right now and they help to lift my spirits. Thank you and I love you all so much!!

To leave on a positive note, when I had my check up before my chemo last week, the doctor felt the lumps and said that they have shrunk!! I havent had any scans, but just by touch he could tell they were shrinking. YEA!!!

14 comments:

Wilson Winners said...

I am so glad for the update! I am so sorry the treatments are so hard, but I am ecstatic they are working! I think about you all the time. I look forward to the pictures and hope you are able to rest and gather your strength. You are AMAZING!

Heather

WatsonFamily said...

My mother's best friend ( www.cowboytuff.blogspot.com ) is in surgery right now at the City of Hope in L.A. (I think) your blog has caught my attention because of her and I am a follower because you inspire me.
I pray for you.

Joan said...

Sorry this one was so much worse. I hope the poisonous medicine is doing what it is supposed to. I have been wondering how you were doing these past few days. It's good that you get to be with your friends and family. That is good news about the lumps being smaller. It's great to hear from you and I'm glad you are staying positive. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Nancy said...

YAY for shrinkage. lol! Don't tell Bill I said that. I am so sorry that you are so sick and wish there was something I could do to help. If you do come across anything that you think might help-let me know. Maybe some bags of Sonic Ice. :)

RPH said...

I have been checking everyday hoping for an update! So glad to hear about the shrinkage! That is so great! Sorry you feel terrible though. Wish there was something I could do for you. I am thinking of you all the time and keep you and your family in my prayers. I cant wait to see pictures from the shower! Sounds like it was fun!
Raygon

Cindy said...

Hi Shelley, it's Cindy (Eaves) Lawlor. I just found out about you today through Cassie's blog. I have spent the last hour or more catching up on your last month and a half, and I am so sad for you! I have been getting all emotional, but you have been so positive and that is an AMAZING quality. I wish you the best through the rest of this process, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. One of the hardest things about getting older is hearing about all my high school friends and their parents having health issues. It scares me so much!! I loved the haircut Mack did for you- I don't know if you remembered but he is my Uncle (he is my Moms brother) It looks adorable! Hang in there and know that you have yet another person pulling for you. Take care of yourself!! Hugs from me!

The Rasch Family said...

Shelly Lomu! It's Lisa Rasch... oh my gosh.. I'm so sorry to hear about the breast cancer. I've been reading your blog and I think you are absolutely wonderful. You are so courageous and brave! Just know we are thinking of you and praying for you and your darling family! Stay Strong!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Mike and Deb said...

We love you Shell...keep fighting - you will so win this!!! We are praying for you everytime day.

The Curtis Family said...

Hi Shelly, this is Jarad and Katie Curtis. We heard the news. You will beat this.
Our prayers are with you and yours.
The Curtises

twin2trip said...

Shell - It was so good to see you @ the shower. I wanted to come and visit you so badly today. You let me know when you are up for it and I am there. I am so sorry to hear about the chemo thing being so bad this week. I wish I could take some of it away.

I did post a picture from the shower on my blog. When I get a scanner I will probably add an old photo of you, Statia & I from way back.

How many more days of this?

Park City Barton's said...

Shelly, it is Mikki Barton from Park City. We got the word and your ward family here are all praying and thinking of you. I would love to talk with you, really I would love to just give you a big hug, help you, be there for you, be there for your kids & hubby.

How are they all doing?

I am glad that the clouds have parted and you feel alive again and I hope it lasts longer.

I will also look for helps on the nausea. Look up cinamon and honey. Send me an email so I can send you information.

I pray for strength & hope & peace for you as you live through this hell.

Mikki mpbarton@msn.com

Jean Bair Davis said...

Now i know this is probably not the time for supermodel photo shoots but I'm begging: post photos from your shaving party!!! i want to live it with you!!!!

i bet you're beautiful!

xoxoxoxojean

Charisse said...

You are so amazing. I can't even imagine what you are enduring right now but I love your positive attitude. I'm so glad to hear about the shrinkage.

Mom said...

Shelley,
You are amazing and such a great example of "enduring" with style!!!
It was fun to see you and all you "young chicks" at the party. It seems like yesterday you all were running around the ward. I miss those times, but fun memories. You are in our prayers and know the Lord will send angels to comfort you and help you through this "yucky stuff".
Love your positive attitude

Becky Rogers