The clouds have parted!!!

It feels so good to be amongst the living once again! Oh my goodness, not a good week. This round of chemo was not a nice friend to me. I think I finally understand why so many people would rather die than do this crap over and over-not that i would rather die, I just understand. I told myself at the begining of all this that no matter how bad I felt I would stay positive and I would always be positive. Sooo much easier said than done. This round was probably 100x's worse than the last. Im guessing its because I already had the poision in my body and this just added to it. Last time i wasnt sick-really sick-until the Friday after, this time, I was sick the day I got it. I have never thrown up so much in my life. I couldnt drink or eat a thing. If I even moved an inch I would throw up-and its the worse kind. Its the nothing in your stomach, not even acid, kind. I was even more nasuous because my stomach was completly empty and I was getting dehydrated. By Sunday I was back in the hospital for some IV fluids and some nausea medicine. The nausea medicine they gave me left me feeling worse than when I got there. Now I was 10x's more nauseous and water logged. Its a sucky combo. One of the drugs they gave me made me so loopy and tired that I could barely walk out of the hospital, but it was like 11pm so I came home and went to bed. The next day, I finally felt better. I was still nausous, but it was managable. I was able to eat some soup and hold down some water. Today is better but im still really tired and nausous. I know that every day will get better and I just have to endure it because its doing what its intended to do and because im sick, I know its working, but its hard and im not good with hard. Just the thought of going back to that place makes me so sick and I get to the point where I think I cant do it anymore, but then I calm down and get it out of my mind then I feel better. If I let myself think too much about it I start to panic big time. I start to think that I have 4 more and its going to get worse and worse each time and the nausea medicine doesnt work (ive tried 3 different kinds)and then im gonna end up back in the hospital each time because I cant hold anything down and blah blah blah. Its all too much for me to handle. Thats why I have to keep myself positive and calm or it gets way out of control. Im going to do so much research on other natural ways to combat the nausea because I cannot do that again. The doctors office gave me a patch for this next time to try, but I have no hope of any medicine working. The ones that I have tried were supposedly the best, but it did nothing. ANYWHO, I feel better today and thats all that matters!!!

I had the funnest "shower" last week and I have tons and tons of pictures. I also have tons of shaving pictures as well, but im still a little out of it so those will have to wait until later when im feeling better. Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words of support and love. They are so appreciated right now and they help to lift my spirits. Thank you and I love you all so much!!

To leave on a positive note, when I had my check up before my chemo last week, the doctor felt the lumps and said that they have shrunk!! I havent had any scans, but just by touch he could tell they were shrinking. YEA!!!